what if i really love unconditionally?
what if, all the people that went through and is still in my life, i loved them dearly? like the love that “i’ll do anything for you.”
but i’m just held back by traumas. i’m held back by unhealthy patterns, like the lyric, “i’ve watched this movie before and i know the ending” kind of feeling.
i never really regretted every decision that i had, but it’s sad. it’s still making me sad.
that living in this earth, there was always no option for me to stay.
that staying will make me feel miserable.
that the decision of staying isn’t exactly what i feel like i should do.
and it *****, you know? because i’m so tired, and i just really wanna have a constant in life. a constant in everything.
i do have friends who i treat as constants, and i firmly know that they’ll stay.
but i want someone to be my companion. that it’s more painful to let go than to hold on. that i have no choice but to stay. and that person will fight for me, for us.
the same way i’ll fight for us, too.