Waiting at auntie’s place,
Waiting for a father,
That would never show,
So, instead me and aunty would play games.
To escape my tearful flow.
At aunties place drinking creamer straight up.
The sweetness fuelled me for hours.
Playing in parks or doing activities.
Until my mom would come pick me up.
Where I would have to discuss,
The pent up feelings I had for my father,
Once again not showing up.
Does he even love me?
Does he even give a ****?
These thoughts and questions haunted me,
The trauma followed me.
Acted up in school, but instead of empathy.
Teachers told me to man up.
How the **** can I man up?
Without a father figure; who is also older than me,
Unable to man up?
These thoughts and questions haunted me,
With self-hatred, self-harm, and negativity following me.
Inflicting harm to a once warm and innocent heart.