i feel safest under the knife,
blade inches from my skin.

safest while drowning in the waves,
content in the silence underneath,
only cursing the bitter wind for crashing against wet skin

i accept scraps greedily,
ignore the deep hole that has hollowed out my chest

empty cavity aches from inside,
unable to get close enough to be whole again.
underneath the obsession,
a girl remains.
drowning, finding safety in the inevitable