I thought I had it
For a moment I thought
This is how I want to be loved
This is the kind of love I want

I overlooked so many things.
I ignored so many flags.
I glazed over so many wrongs.

I thought I had it
For a moment, just for a moment,
I was loved.
I was cared for.
I had... someone

But I'm laying in the dark
Questioning my reality
Flipping through my memories
Dissecting my words
Reviewing my actions
Over and over and over

I'm sitting up at 3:16am
Asking myself if I even deserve to be loved
Wondering if I deserve to be cared for
Do I deserve... someone?

Is this love?
No. No, it isn't.
But this is familiar
The doubt, the hurt, the emptiness
The overexplanations, the silence

I dont want to fight
I dont want to argue
I dont want to yell

I want laughs under the stars
I want kindness and softness
I want balance, firm ground

I thought this was supposed to be love
But no,
No, it isn't.