once i write
i can finally calm
my brain, my body
even my palms
such a small part
but when they shake i can't
make anything work
and my progress is scant
it's crazy how much
my illness affects
my breath, my basic
functions reject
the orderly thoughts
that help me live
the illness withholds
and instead it gives
chaos and anger
anxiety and joy
sometimes it's not so bad
but other times i destroy
my relationships and body
my grades and life
leaving behind
nothing but strife
when will it stop
when will the pain end
maybe if i stop thinking
and start to pretend
that i'm sane and not crazy
and know who i am
then i can start being the lion
not the lamb