Sep 2013
"You're my exception."
And then there is a kiss that pays no attention to my tears.
I have a stupid grin on my face.
My blanket is wrapped tighter than his fingers were around her wrist, begging her not to go.
My eyes swell up and the credits roll.
As I close my laptop, I close again my chest.
See, it was exposed.
So long. To the emotions and feelings and judgement of others.
I thought I could handle it, but my gut was ripped out.
My intestines were untangled on the floor.
It's funny how something labeled as "small" is really so big.
Kind of like love, you know?
It's a word. A noun. 4 letters. Nothing more.
But then you see it in action.
You see the beauty, the ugly, the loathing, the accepting.
Some see people holding hands, others see a man dying on a cross.
Some see the covering of a blanket and others see the covering of His blood.
But what enraptures us is what it is like when we are the scientist.
It's an addiction.
We crave the feeling.
We want to shoot up hand holding. We want smoke acceptance.
We cake our face in the ******* of beauty to fool the beholder all because we want to feel worthy enough to fight for.
Every person has this image plastered in their lids.
We see it, day in, day out.
We go to the deli thinking, "Maybe she was the one. Should I have said something?"
We go to the gym just to see this one guy who only comes in on Thursdays, Saturdays and twice on Tuesdays just because he can.
We try so hard.
We match our schedules up to people we have never even spoken to, because it's scripted.
It's in the movies so it must be real.
There must be magic. Fate. God. Someone.
Those stories don't just come from thin air, right?
I think I watch RomComs to reiterate to myself that that stuff doesn't happen in real life.
No one is going to stop me from getting on a plane.
No one is going to come to my place at 3am and tell me that they love me.
I'm not going to go to Rome, run into a lost friend and find love.
That just doesn't happen in real life. It's scripted. It's TOO perfect.
And yet, I open my laptop, wash my hands, put on my mask, open my chest up and start to work on it again.
The stitches never stay.
The sutures are always ripped.
The gauze is red but I convince myself it isn't blood, but rather love.
And then there is a kiss that pays no attention to my tears.
I have a stupid grin on my face.
My blanket is wrapped tighter than his fingers were around her wrist, begging her not to go.
My eyes swell up and the credits roll.
As I close my laptop, I close again my chest.
See, it was exposed.
So long. To the emotions and feelings and judgement of others.
I thought I could handle it, but my gut was ripped out.
My intestines were untangled on the floor.
It's funny how something labeled as "small" is really so big.
Kind of like love, you know?
It's a word. A noun. 4 letters. Nothing more.
But then you see it in action.
You see the beauty, the ugly, the loathing, the accepting.
Some see people holding hands, others see a man dying on a cross.
Some see the covering of a blanket and others see the covering of His blood.
But what enraptures us is what it is like when we are the scientist.
It's an addiction.
We crave the feeling.
We want to shoot up hand holding. We want smoke acceptance.
We cake our face in the ******* of beauty to fool the beholder all because we want to feel worthy enough to fight for.
Every person has this image plastered in their lids.
We see it, day in, day out.
We go to the deli thinking, "Maybe she was the one. Should I have said something?"
We go to the gym just to see this one guy who only comes in on Thursdays, Saturdays and twice on Tuesdays just because he can.
We try so hard.
We match our schedules up to people we have never even spoken to, because it's scripted.
It's in the movies so it must be real.
There must be magic. Fate. God. Someone.
Those stories don't just come from thin air, right?
I think I watch RomComs to reiterate to myself that that stuff doesn't happen in real life.
No one is going to stop me from getting on a plane.
No one is going to come to my place at 3am and tell me that they love me.
I'm not going to go to Rome, run into a lost friend and find love.
That just doesn't happen in real life. It's scripted. It's TOO perfect.
And yet, I open my laptop, wash my hands, put on my mask, open my chest up and start to work on it again.
The stitches never stay.
The sutures are always ripped.
The gauze is red but I convince myself it isn't blood, but rather love.
