All I crave is love.

But my biggest fear is love.

Maybe my expectations on love are too high, but all love has ever delivered to me is pain and lies.

I dream about love, and admire people in love. But the thought of someone loving me makes my skin crawl, because there must be something terribly wrong with someone to love me at all.

I just don’t think I can be loved.

Im damaged but not in a fixable way, I’ve been told it’s a personality trait that will never go away. So anyone would be a fool to try and keep a flower alive growing out of a cracked wall.

But love is all I crave.

I want someone to see the insides of me, when I say insides I mean every hidden thought. Every ****** expression every trauma I have fought.

I want someone to understand my heartlessness and chip away concrete that covers all the soft parts of my heart. But again there must be something terribly wrong with somebody to ever work that hard.

On someone like me.


I also don’t like someone that’s overly keen because in my experience they always indefinitely turn out mean.

So where does this leave me?

Endlessly desiring something I will never simply accept. An abyss that eventually leaves to never ending torment.

I WANT LOVE.

I want to love.
And I want to be loved.

But sadly I think my heart craves too much.

The people who were meant to show it to me first, were already hurt.

So not accepting  love is all I have learnt.

But all I want is love.