You were the very first,
-not the last-
Certainly not the worst.

I said I, simply, wouldn’t
I knew that I “shouldn’t“
I certainly couldn’t.
Right? I couldn’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t!

I’m learning that I’m ready
For the unknown and unsteady
No matter what I say,
My body just won’t let me.

I try to walk away but my heart
Wanders astray
And comes straight back to you
No matter what I do

What does this all mean?
When I’m with you,
it’s so serene
The feelings are surreal
And sometimes quite obscene

A delayed reaction
To my dissatisfaction
Results come in slowly
While the universe holds me

I try not to unravel
As I run around and travel
Dig my toes into the gravel
While my writers brain plays scrabble

Im so confused,
Sometimes I feel so used,
Yet you haven’t asked for much
I just gift you such and such

Not a people pleaser
But an Angel who is eager
To bring you all the blessings
While you warrant me life lessons

I’ve never said, no way before
And found myself longing for more
I’ve told you more than once
What I can’t seem to enforce
But if I fight the flow,
Will I find myself off course?

My body and my heart are very conflicted
I feel so free, yet highly restricted
My head tells my heart, it should take a step back
My heart tells my head that it must be cracked

Utterly insane to assume I have control of things
When I’m around you, my insides, they are smoldering
I feel at home, although- somewhat- neglected
I want to reach out but I fear the rejection

You’re hot, then you’re cold
You’re sweet, then you’re sour
I could watch you switch back and forth
Hour after hour

I have to be careful of what comes at a detriment
I can’t help but love you,
Debates are irrelevant
I won’t be taken advantage of
But I am no president
To dictate the rules
on what is
and is NOT “cool”

I just want to be
And at that, to be free
Though,
I’d like it if you chose to be
free here with me

Your vision is clouded,
so the truth that you cannot see
Is that your abundance comes when you give love and receive
That vulnerable love that you won’t let others know of
It’s the only thing stopping you from that which you seek
You aren’t shy, but your emotions are meek
And it’s hard for me to wait as I’m reaching my peak

But patience is key and the timing is prudent
Every day there are shifts, I’m the teacher and the student
I won’t miss any lesson and I won’t shirk any test
When we reach the destination where we all find our rest

I can only hope to say that our journey was masterful
And leaves an impression, long-lasting and classical
Complex and harmonious, infinitely inspiring
The journey will be heartfelt soon, and one day, less tiring

The first, not the worst
Not the future, not the past
Just the right here, right now
That I’d really like to last
The first peace of mind I’ve received in a while
Letting go of old narratives and healing my inner child
Letting out my primal instincts
Diving into the wild
Come to think of it,
I’ve found a genuine reason to smile

Take it or leave it,
The feeling still stays
Turbulent coasting
In all areas GRAY
Getting out of my boxes
And into your psyche
I took a peak inside,
And what I see? “Me likey.”

Thanks for all the lessons,
and the progress and the growth
Sorry for the times that it’s triggered us both
I’ve shared pain and gratitude
in the most calm, collected way.
And I’m grateful for this journey- and you-
Each and every day.