what if you knew
that i'm not lazy
just exhausted
not physically
physically i could go
for hours
but mentally
i battle everyday
so those times when you say
"we're all tired"
just keep in mind
that there are different
kinds of tired
and they aren't equal
because a lack of sleep
doesn't equate
to a lack of control
of your thoughts
and words
and actions
and mind
because that
is more exhausting
than any broken
sleep pattern

but i guess i battle that too
so please understand
that i'm not lazy
i'm just sick and tired
of fighting myself
everyday
of laying in bed for ten minutes
and then accidentally
falling asleep
because my limbs
don't listen to my head
and the obstinate voice
saying "stay here"
is stronger than the one
asking me to listen
and do as i'm told

i know it sounds stupid
and childish
and selfish
and i know that
but i can't change it
i don't know how
and  no matter how
often i see the doctor
it always comes back
that little voice

that's when i sink
and the voice takes over
so please understand
that when i'm exhausted
i'm really asking for help
because i'm too tired
to help myself