It felt like the kind of thrill you get from jumping off the cliff and into the dark water below, all these thoughts about not knowing what's underneath the surface but so excited for that first splash as you break the tension and sink down.
It was like watching a favorite movie for the first time and knowing that everytime I watch it after this, it'll never be the same.

I could never not think about kissing you.
You'd look at me, and if I let myself glance down to your mouth I'd be lost in watching your lips move.
Thinking about the first time you leaned in to kiss me at that stop light, and how it feels when you're laying on my lap and you kiss my thighs so soft.
You made me feel soft, everywhere.

If I could do it all over again,
The kisses, the movies in bed,
The drunken fights, the crying,
Putting my arm around you in public
Hearing you say I love you,
Watching thunderstorms on the deck,
Seeing you look at me like you were so desperate to make it work, but knew there was nothing that could help

If I could do it all over again,
The texts from you that ripped my heart into pieces,
The goodbyes and the last hug I ever gave you.
I'd do it.

There is more safety in the destruction I know than the destruction I don't see coming.

I'd let you do it again.