I think about how I will wake up in the middle of the night and he won’t be there, he will be miles away. Drives away. I miss him before he is even gone, because I know what space he will make where he was. If I close my eyes and let every single day pass by through my mind, I’d not change a single one. I wish he’d stay. I wish he’d ask me to go. That’s not what happened though. He doesn’t love me. He doesn’t want me. He doesn’t crave me. Though it seems cruel, I have to say these things to myself. It douses the fire he sets inside my soul.
I thought he just belonged. I thought he was a permanent fixture, something that had to stay.