I expose what I chose to perpetuate
Violently spill the contents in my head all over the hallway
Hang myself in front of you
        .....vulnerable
Tears fall on my cheeks
I stand there weak, powerless...frozen
You are full of ire
Never have I ever seen you in such a state
I don't understand, I can't understand.. You say I'm to blame? I cannot control this and I can't stop I'm conflicted, disordered...

It's not in my hands it hangs above me like a dark cloud of the blackest womb
It's bigger than me, bigger than all of us
It's embedded in my psyche... It is in a way part of my identity
It's claws are dug into my skin and all the way into my bones
It moves in my veins
And it's feeding on me

It's a desire for control that strips me of all control
It's not my doing
This was never about food
It was about controlling that part of my life, I could control
It was about filling the void
It was about...
becoming who I wanted to be