They said it wasn't right, wasn't normal
not how a life should be.
They said she is too smart, she is too pretty
not right to waste her gifts.
So, I took the beast and squashed him
swallowed him and made him small
to fit in a small corner
of my stomach.
I feed him chocolates and wine to keep him quiet,keep him still.
Then I bought a mask of normalcy (it came with an appropriate smile)
so I splurged on the accessories!
A thoughtful frown, a look of concern, a how-to book to fool the masses.
Now They look at me and smile
“My, she looks so healthy, see how carefree and happy!”
and they whisper “How wonderful, she never cries anymore”
But the beast, though he is resting, knows all that's going on.
Sometimes he tears at my stomach,clawing his way out
and up my throat.
More chocolate! More wine!
A cigarette to occupy him!
A shot of coffee to confuse him!
He quiets for a while,still restless
the anger, rage and pain hard to keep
locked away so long.
But, They say that this is better,in the long run
for us all
But when I shoved him in his tiny cell, he didn't go alone.
He stole the flames of love and passion,to burn his hate and rage.
Swiped the heart of kindness and compassion,to pierce with violent anger.
Took the soul of joy and brightness,choked it with jealousy and pain.
Sometimes, when I'm feeling brave
I let him out-for just a little while
To see if he can behave.
Testing to see if They can tell that he is among us.
They are blissfully unaware of his presence,
for a while.
But he always trips up, always shows his hand
he must be punished.
Squashed back down to his dank pit,
My stomach feeling queasy from his sickness.
And I quiet him again, with chocolates and wine,
keeping him drunken and content.
But the truth, the truth is
I miss him.

Copyright © 2010 Laura Verdi Stridiron