I wondered how this day would feel
I dramatized it in my head to to be honest
Some aha moment that released all the pain
That washed away the resentment and insecurities once tucked away neatly through my smile. I often dreamed of happiness and a sense of fulfillment finding love before you. Life had other plans it seems. I found healing through my own shedding. Layer by layer I strayed further away from your favorite version of me. A wounded, needy, and naive child desperately in need of love. Trying to repress the disappointment I found anger and in the anger I found bitterness and in the bitterness I found shame and in the shame I lost my self esteem and with that I hid from myself.  Then I met pity and in the pity I found mercy who gave me grace that led me to forgiveness . No one ever teaches you how to mourn your first love. Only life teaches you how to mourn parts of yourself that once made you whole. Those moments of fragility that must be met with a gentle whisper of love become the only thing that way to gain the pieces lost. To the sweet girl who loved with no bounds you alone are love.