we sat on the uncomfortable creaking fold out chairs, me beside people i barely knew but who knew you better then i ever did. there was not enough, not enough flowers, music, laughter, pictures, energy...the room felt like everything had been ****** out of it as soon as we all congregated. dear god, i am so sorry...i know death can feel like a prickly heat consuming the whole body, i shook your sister's hand and she looked at me waiting, but i didn't know what else to say. we sang one song, and all i could do was look out at the window at the sun shining on the leaves of the tree...i envisioned you underneath it with a joint and one of your hippie dresses saying, "kelly, c'mon, life isn't so bad..." you were a wonderful person, i'm ashamed it took me longer then it should have to realize that.