There are moments where I wish I would have walked away.
I wish I could catch a flight back to the moment,
where I completely lost myself in the audience.
I wish I would've taken the road less traveled by,
and said no to plagiarized nights of emptiness.
I would've turned the corner with my chin up,
but I fell flat on my face and scraped my lips
that are now silent with fear and resistance.
And I could say that who I was
has made me who I am in this moment.
but I am not who I am just yet.
I am stuttering apologies, unsure of everything.
I am scared to look behind me,
from the fear that the shadows which are still sewn to my heels
are scheming and plotting to take me back.
But the drum of my pulse bangs on the walls of my bones,
to keep walking to who I will be.
so I put on my foundation every day,
to cover the trail of black eye liner that has dried up against my skin.
and I throw open my closets and climb under my bed,
making every monster see that i'm still here.
after every battle has been won,
I will rest in the aftermath of the flood
that carries me forward past the moments
that who I am today would dance
into the embracing arms of fulfillment.