I love each one of them, more than I love myself
Without them I feel like a toy forgotten on a shelf
waiting for the child to come back and want to play
waiting for their smiles to brighten up my day
In my darkened corner I will wait an eternity
Until I see their loving faces staring back at me

A cage with in my mind Where I feel that I belong
For everything that I let happen for everything I did wrong
I persecute myself daily for the sins I can't forgive
I can not set myself free - I can barely let myself live

Knowing where I failed
Knowing the lives that I derailed
The pain I wrought
comes to mind like a twisting knife with every thought

I let you all down so I will do all I can
So you will never wear a frown
even if that means I drown

Sinking beneath my failures caught in a devils trap
How much more can I take - before this rope snaps?
I've slid to the end, and I am holding on for dear life
I'm not great at tying knots, but I know how to use a knife

Will God catch me if I fall
Trusting Him, though I lose it all
letting go of everything I love
til I only have my Father above

Why does this feel so cruel
So vile and unfair
why did the punishment have to be a cross I can't bare

--------

I get it now - God's will is stronger
I will not fight it any longer
I don't want free will anymore
I just want my life back like it was before

Rocking them to sleep at night
kisses and prayers - hugs so tight
Laughter every single day
I don't want them to go away

This is worse than death
it takes away my breath
It stings in my mind
How the world is so unkind
I pray to just rewind
back to a better time
I see it when I close my eyes
but when they open the dream flies
they well up with tears at goodbyes
fearing that it could be our last
God the time just goes so fast