Another year older
The world gave me the cold shoulder
I've grown a little bit bolder
But I wasn't built to be a soldier

I am tired in this war
with little strength
and less to fight for
I feel like I am knocking on a door
that will never open

Life rocked me like a baby
then threw me from the nest
while everyone looked at my broken life
and whispered its for the best

The air was robbed from my chest
my heart torn from my breast
this silence steals from me my rest
I'm a  mess

Their faces shine in my mind
their voices ring like echos down empty halls
I hear their calls for mommy
and feel myself fall
as my muscles unwind

I reach for them in my dreams
but they are always further than it seems
too far to touch or hold
they can't hear my screams
'Mommy's here to love you,
I put no one else above you
I need you night and day
without you my heart has flown away
I am always stressing about how you are
I know we are so far
but baby look up at the stars, I am too
and when I see the moon
I only think of you
I pray you sleep
like the angels are there to keep
all nightmares away.
My love is never ending
I hope you feel the prayers I keep on sending
that they take away your fears
your tears
and give you a new beginning
where happiness is abounding
with a peace that is astounding
Love is bountiful if you seek it

I miss you all so much I sometimes can't bear it
I can't sleep without seeing your faces
In all of our old places
I think I learned what God's grace is

I wish I had found out sooner
I wish I had not taken our time for granted
because the love that God has planted
will never ever wither

I'm not ready  to let you go
I'm not ready for goodbye
I want you to know
My love will never die
And you will always be my babies
and when I look up to the skies
All I see are your beautiful eyes

In every child's face I see your smile
Its replaced with you and me
Holding hands carefree'

God - why does this feel like dying
why hours of useless crying
What have I been denying
Why is this life so terrifying
Why do I always feel alone
Why is my heart turning back to stone
Except when I hear their voices through the phone
that is the only joy I've got, then its done
and I am alone with my thoughts
they are polluted and they drown me
in brackish waters
as I think of my sons and daughter
and where I went so wrong
how I must have failed all along


The Lord giveth & The Lord taketh away
but at least - all of my babies are alive today.
Thank you.