I live in perpetual circumstances of fear, guided by the palpitation in my heart and the heaviness of my breath
It’s as if the whole world exists around me and within me, as if I am separate and yet anxiously connected
I wish I could call it beautiful

there is so much beauty in the world, yet I hold hands with the ugly
I am held by the tentative and cradled by the impermanent
my mind is a filing cabinet of negative possibilities and tragic happenings,
tucked away in the abyss

there is so much to see and yet my sight is clouded
so much to learn and yet my judgment is tainted
it’s like I am walking with fractures, and no one can see the casts wrapped around my ankles

all I want is to feel like my limbs are healing themselves, my heart is relearning how to pulse love through my veins, and my lungs are slowly expelling the toxins that have been making it so hard to breathe

but all I feel is my body rejecting health,
choosing to remain uncured
the pain magnifies, my senses weaken
and all that keeps me connected with those around me
is a force that presents myself to the world in such a way that the bruises painted on my skin
appear as a testament to the  journey I went through to smile again when indeed I am still being beaten