I make a mistake and it can cost someone's life. I have to live with the feeling  that something worse could have happened. How it could have been a lost life.  I have to live with the feeling that someone has lost their job due to one mistake.

I get told Oh, but you should be great ful because you still have your job.  The boss didn't blame you. I have to live with people not trusting me as much.
I have to live knowing I traumatized everyone at my job and everyone involved. I have to live with this fact!

They only have to live with the fact that they work with the village idiot and  the fact that they left this idiot in charge of something so important. Only this idiot wants to die!
So please take this life. I wish I was smart enough to end this life.

I live with this feeling possibilities that something worse could have happened to this precious little human that I care about. I literally.,...  If something would have happened I would have ended my life .

It's a lesson well learned everyone says but it's not. It haunts my soul, my body and my mind.  There are some out there that say I should have lost her job and I don't blame them.

In reality I should have and I wouldn't had cared because the only thing that mattered to me was that the precious human is okay and nothing happened. I'm devastated because they matter to me.