did i miss something from having written familial estrangement? i must have... only recently, a day or so ago i went cycling... obviously i didn't check the weather forecast... the rain in a form of deluge came: deluge or monsoon... i was speaking to a co-worker about it... after the drought? it felt glorious... i couldn't see past ten metres ahead of me... i was sipping rain water that was getting lodged in my mustache... i told her: it reminded me of when i was 6 or 7... running barefoot in the rain with my cousin Justine... in a similar sort of rain... barefoot on the pavement... we went back home and cuddled while my great-grandmother her grandmother tended to us: obviously we caught a cold... what a glorious experience...

i must be mad... after today's shift i was asked by one
of the managers:
on the 21st... i know you're the supervisor at the London
stadium... but do you feel like working
Wembley too?
you'll finish the London Stadium shift at 4:30pm
you'll start the Wembley shift at 6pm...
Wembley are short-staffed...
me? being a single man...
that's the thing: the best lesson i have ever learned
is that you don't say NO...
wow! you're the first to agree!
that's why i'm a supervisor without the required
qualifications...
sure... i'll do it...
for me? there's not "drudgery" of work...
there's work and there's no work...
i like collecting the hours...
oddly enough: i enjoy it...
i like being a workaholic-alcoholic...
it boosts my ambitions to come across as
someone required: responsible... needed...

i left the house at 2pm today... train strikes...
missed the train toward Stratford by a minute...
it arrived on the platform just as i was walking
into the station: **** it...
took the 296 towards Newbury Park and got the Central
Line instead...
enough time to eat a double cheeseburger
at a McDonald's: sign in on time...
shook hands with the managers...
Dan "the man" asked with with wild eyes:
so you're working Oxford with me?!
yes? well... if you're imploring me to do so!
wild-eyed reply came as a yes: you are, aren't you?!
you're on the segregation line with me!

oh **** me... what a waste of time...
i'm out of the house for almost 10 hours:
i'm getting paid only £50 for it...
£10 of which goes into the fuel...
it's a waste of time...
but i'm looking to get good references...
i'm not going to say no...
i don't have a wife... i don't have children:
i'm elusive...
even today: even though i was breaker:
i helped the supposed supervisor to get her act together...

hold on: why am i writing about work?
who the **** writes about work?
people who enjoy working?
then again: as i learned from my father...
my ethnicity has bred workaholics and alcoholics...
i'm a workaholic-alcoholic... a terrible combination:
i only have time to myself: for myself...

i noticed that with Michaela today...
i pick up on subtle cues...
she looked tired... out of her past two times i was with her...
my totem: a fox... was rummaging the streets...
i gently walked up behind him:
he didn't look startled... neither was i...
something is up with Michaela...
mind you... it was a true beauty of a quickie...
******* can do that to a man
while she's all submissive and you're slapping her
***... pinching her thighs...
she started complaining about spider bites on her calves...
i told her not to squeeze the bites...
i told her: go to a ****** supermarket...
and buy some Spirit Vinegar... rub it in...
after the quick ******* we exchanged music
tastes... we talked about her changing her nails...

i must either change the brothel or...
i'll wait... she's going back to Romania for a month
on the 28th... i'll wait... i need a new ****** partner...
she felt like a painting of Picasso's blue period...
distant... i need a new ***** to ****...
i said: you look tired...
she started talking about her new eye-lash
extension implants...
i mentioned to her:
you know, those black girls?
eye-lashes the length of camels'...
and nails?! so long: they couldn't possibly chop
up an onion...

they are really minor queues...
we ****** for the 3rd time and i could feel tension:
the thrill was gone... she wasn't as willing to kiss me...
she even implored that i was lying too far away from her...
she wanted cuddling...
talk of nails... talk of spider bites...
          no... oh god no... this is not going to work...
i think we passed the threshold of casual ***...
some scamming mommy is going to come out of
Michaela: right about now...
i'm out...
            don't blame your apathy on your newly implanted
eye-lash extension... you're bored of me:
after two *****...

she's going back to Romania on the 28th...
i'm going to wait until she's gone until i pick a new
****** partner...
i'll wait...
  of course she was surprised that i ******* too soon...
i blamed it on the heart and the tiredness after a shift...
i asker: but... but now all women ****** during each
****** encounter?
i blame her "beached whale" physique...
i'm extremely attracted to slightly overweight women...

it's not premature *******: but it's ****** close...
i can't help it... i can't control my ontology...
she's not pretty: she's just unique!
unique toward satisfying my palette of "inhibitions"!
i like plump-plum girl...
but the awkward body language read-itself
to me immediately... the dynamic changed...
she blamed the lashes: i blamed her...
although i didn't actually blame her...

no no no... my totem is the fox... i can suss if something
is becoming awry... strange... tense...
i know better to simply stage
a mirror peering into glass dynamic...
or a glass peering into a mirror dynamic...
the body language changes... dramatically...
eye-lashes my ******* ***!
i gave Michaela a promise: i kept it...
i'm guessing she's used to men giving promises
but not keeping them...
me? i'm tired of women being treated like ****
by ****-boys...

i had a headache travelling to the brothel...
some woman was having a pseudo-conversation
with a man...
she started... explaining... how:
sound travels to her ears from his tongue:
******* and you crack-******* *****...
i switched off...
i either need to change the brothel...
or the rota of prostitutes has to change...

of the three available... i did want to chose another
one from Michaela... but Michaela was there...
and i promised her...
aha! that's what it was... she probably realised
that i wanted some other...
cold... *****...   kalthündin....
    mmm...
                          mmm: sine in trigonometry...
www: cosine trigonometry....
                  i love women... they deal with such subtle affairs...
a man can become loved up at first sight...
three of them were sitting pretty...
Michaela among them: but i noticed this youngling
among them... Michaela must have noticed me
noticing her first... this... doe...
makes sense...
sure sure... "eye-lashes"...
no no... this was the magic of jealousy at work...
before i even blinked the women knew what
was afoot... the youthful thrill of renewal hit me...
but i promised that i would come back for her...
that didn't ******* matter...
shorter than a blink: an exchange of glances
between love at first sight and a blink...
and what the women told each other in between...

a jealous *******? i think i just spent half an hour
with a jealous *******...
i thought prostitutes were immune to jealousy?!
how many are to be shared among one?
but a man comes along and he's like:
i'll share A with B... create an AB...
i'll share B with C... create a BC... etc.
that's why we started talking about her spider bites...
why we started talking about her nails...
it was like lightning: the three of them sat there while
i walked in... but the one i was familiar with
lost the plot of her parade of pride... because:
she felt: **** me! undermine by a younger updated model!

sure! great! she still didn't get it!
she's probably my age... overweight...
yet i still find her attractive... and she's asking
me why i ******* the 1st and 3rd time so early?
why? i say: you have your eyelashes excuses?
i have mine... you beautiful *** is blocking my picture!
you beautiful plump torso is also blocking the picture:
your fat **** are also blocking the picture:
mind you: there's "no picture":
because your fat *** plump torso and fat ****...

i adore imperfections that create an individualism...
but even she couldn't catch me off guard
today... i might have felt tired...
come on... we started talking about music:
we this || close to being clued up into
becoming a bickering couple...
the honeymoon period was over...
she was already willing to the next ******
partner: as i was i...

              change of gloves: change of hands...
i think i need to find a new brothel...
this isn't working for me...
                   the body language can be easily read...
there's this stiffening of the body:
a way of giving birth to the shadow
with the mind:
with the ****:
a sleeping foetus along with the live
one via the ******....

women made awkward: become stiff:
two-dimensionally...
esp. from a "compromise" of competition...

why did i join up to these shifts: well... as a single man
you rarely get to say NO...
this Oxford shift is going to punish me...
**** it...
      then i'm the currently sole lonely
happy-camper doing both the London Stadium
and Wembley...
                 it's hardly the drudgery of work...
you ******* from the workplace for about 10 years...
return to it: invigorated...
you sort of build up a stamina of being happy
to be out of the household...

arbeit macht frei!
                 it's so true... it's truer than true....
i need a new ****** partner...
i just need Michaela to ******* back to Romania
on the 28th before i can revisit the brothel...
i don't exactly like the idea of jealous women...
i'd need ****** to deal with that...
i don't have eunuchs...
        
                i need to start seeing a new *******...
the body language: sort of skewed...
you can sort of sense that you're
borderline necrophilic when a person starts becoming
counter-responsive.