My kind of humor
by cristina-monica-moldoveanu
Honorable politician,
Truthful and without ambition,
Found behind bars his own place.
Such a lucky mental case!
Her eyes are truly not hypnotic
Although her smile is mystery,
Each man by nature too myopic
Is guilty of adultery.
Because she had an empty purse,
Yet smiling strange like La Joconde,
He drove his Jaguar in reverse
Thinking she was another blonde.
She had a few coins for grissini,
Wearing her old and too short skirt.
With mercy, dressed in white silk shirt,
He bought for her pretty bikini.
A young woman said: “My love is like sunshine”.
An old woman whined: “My rheumatism foretells rain”.
I stood silent between them, under cloudy skies,
Believing the weather report lies.
Sigmund Freud,
Before others find the steroid,
Dived his nose under the sex drive,
But cocaine kept him alive.
Schizophrenia survey:
Doctor: Have you ever had hallucinations?
Patient: No, have you ever seen a schizophrenic?
D: Are you a virgin?
P: No, until I meet the right man.
D: Have you heard strange voices around?
P: No, my parrot doesn't speak.
D: Do you think you are a great woman?
P: No, I killed only a few cockroaches, with too much spray.
D: Do you think you are a martyr?
P: No, martyrs are killed in a short time and everyone is happy afterwards.
D: Do you think you should die?
P: No, it is better on the floor than below.
D: Can you forgive others' sins?
P: No, Jesus Christ was better than me.
D: Do you think you have enemies?
P: No, I don't have a hammer drill.
D: Do you love your mother?
P: No, only our feelings are the same.
D: Did you try to kill yourself?
P: Yes, because whatever I asked, others said NO.
Patient: Doctor, what are you thinking now?
Doctor: That you never think.