i read this poem that said

when you feel yourself falling in love
to let yourself fall

we don’t experience it often
so embrace it

enjoy it

and from that day I did. when love came to me, i truly let myself fall in love. in every way.

I let my thoughts wander to you daily and you started to lived in them. You became an occupant in my brain. You made my existence feel lighter. you being there was…it was so real, I was there. i felt it.

but

just like that something happened. I don’t know when it did but the days of smiling on my daily car rides, turned drives consisting of only silent tears. when sound sleep turned to one maybe two hours of sleep. but it did. and just when I thought I forgot the pain you caused me, I feel it all over again. i cry at work, in my car, in my bed, in the shower, the river of tears doesn’t have an end. you destroyed me in the softest way and i feel that pain everywhere and all the time.

so the next time someone advises you to experience love, don’t listen.