what is emotion?
I feel as though I should know. I feel like out of everyone, I should know...right?
If I don't know what emotion is, then what are these things constantly filling my brain, choking my conscience, intoxicating my mind with these wretched feelings? Yet when I am asked "how I feel", I can never answer. I dont know how I feel. I don't know if I want to know.
A small part of me wants to remain oblivious. A small part of me wants to ignore everything that my mind is clouded with. I wish I knew, but I wish I didn't.
I shouldn't feel this confused, I shouldn't wonder if my smiles are real, or if my tears are true. I shouldn't get upset when someone asks if I need help. I shouldn't be jealous of something I never had.
Maybe my expectations are too high. But- then why do I feel like im asking the bare minimum?
I don't want to bother people, but at the same time, I want them to be bothered by me. I want them to be concerned. I want them to be there for me, yet I wish they would just leave me already.