I realise I've been in a gloom, a fog you can't lift.
I apparently won't let you, especially as I slept.

I seemed to have worn my own experiences, feelings, injuries-I thought I wore them like a badge of what I've overcome.

I was wrong.
I'm sorry that when you stopped me from bashing my head on a nightstand,
I repaid you in not only attempting to claw your eyes out,
But also the thrashing about, kicking you in your intimates.
I am especially sorry for wrapping my hands around your throat and trying to choke you.

You see, this you that I know and love and find comfort in.
He does not suddenly appear to save me from what has already happened to me.
I was out of options then.
Fight or flight, those were it.
And I picked fight.

Each night it seems I lose and I feel worse in the day.
I tried to stop him,
I kicked
I clawed
I even, actually, attempted to choke him,
But my hands were too small.

I was too small.
I feel powerless.

So now, consciously I make due with the cards I've been dealt.
I have no passion.
No fight.
I once walked through the fire. willingly and yet,
I feel nothing. I see the emotion. I mimic it.
But I am hollow now.
I have nothing anymore, lately.

So please, give me something to sing about.