an apple a day, keeps the doctor away... that's how Fiona from Fraserburgh started the conversation this one time... with riddles... this was one of her replies... an apple a day, keeps the doctor away... the other riddle was: what walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon and three legs come the evening? man! he crawls as a toddler, walks upright in his prime and then uses a walking stick to prop his walk... i didn't get either of the riddles... being bilingual i don't understand the pastime of crosswords, plus i write so that's doubly damning to understand... nothing's entertaining about them... but... give me any numbers game... su doku: for example? there's nothing intelligent about it... it's an optical disguise of: what would otherwise make me sense of how katakana was first written... that's why i admire Hanguel (Korean) equally: it's the closest writing system to the European writing system...

girls and their ******* riddles...
    was i being autistic or something? it took my
high school sweetheart to tell me:
she fancies you... Fiona... Fiona: with that lisp and curly
hair...
                 yeah: she came up from London
and stayed with me in the student flat for a while...
i do remember...
   how she kept her virginity intact for almost a year...
or maybe longer...
  i wasn't going to push...
i remember how she lost her virginity:
i pretended that my phallus was a scalpel...
my first time was terrible: first times are terrible...
first times are like: a killing / what i imagine
a kosher celebration of killing a goat is...
just get it over and done with...
in the dark... in the cocoon of bed-sheets...
for man: at least... awkward, wonky...
a bit like watching a daddy-long-legs spider
walk... compared with other more agile spiders...
one urban myth i heard from a former
friend of mine (Ian): the daddy-long-legs spider
has the most venom of all spiders...
but... it has short teeth so it cannot penetrate
its prey... so... we're talking disabled spiders now?
like that urban myth about the 2 weeks
a cockroach has to live once it has been decapitated?!
that one?
- and once upon a time i was thinking of
going travelling... India was calling...
i had this plan... fly to India... and then walk back
to England... seriously...
i was young, i was stupid...
    i was also reading some Paulo Coelho...
who... like the only maxims i ever used - i.e. Tao told me...
to sit the **** down...
        so i sat down...
wait a minute: India is already here!
not exactly here: but the people are here...
**** me... the whole world is here...
how many people have gathered in London...
i'm guessing over 200+ languages...
who's coming?! who's coming?! or... who's here?!
who's here?!

never mind... i started my usual drinking session
with nothing in my head...
i just remembered... i woke up... "INSPIRED"
i was like: wow! i don't have to tighten the bow
of thought and launch the arrow of ego
into: hey presto! pulled this one out of my ***
like a "miracle"...
             ergo? crap... what to write about?
what to write about? at first i thirsted for writing
about writing...
which is no minor call-to-arms...
but it's better than writing about reading...

   i figured... newspapers get published each and every
day... there's "something" that's always "happening":
some next misery, some mingling of contexts,
some misunderstandings...
i'm never going to be content with the already
haemorrhaging oeuvre...
if i had a mouth when thinking, "thinking":
i couldn't shut up...
    
like i already said: an apple a day keeps the doctor
away... right... which doctor?
for me it's more:

a poem a day keeps the psychiatrists away...
i don't even know i want to peer into Latin
to translate: i don't think psychology / psychiatry:
pharmaceutical pebbles were a thing back then...
ergo... no amputation...
no liver transplant...
it has to remain in English:

a poem a day keeps the psychiatrists at bay
                 ditto                                        away...

newspapers are published daily...
i have to find old reasons for new reasons
to keep writing: i can't allow myself to write about
ideas: i'd become constipated creatively...
i can't write maxims either...
i need to write a self-journalism:
i need to write an imitation of water...

IMITATIO AQUA...
                  imitation of water...
what's water in Mandarin... let's stick to the trigram
for now...
something soothing...
i'm becoming a self-journalist...
right, right... water...

ooze: freeze...           水 (shoo'e)

--  --
-----
--  --

                   it truly: almost feels like...
a face that resembles water...
                 see... one of my greatest pastimes
is spotting faces in clouds...
i have this itch for pareidolia... mostly clouds...
i sometimes imagine eternity being trapped
in a bubble watching...
   Jupiter and his son Polyphemus
               of the planet...

                 exactly! what was i going to write about?
threesomes ****... i felt disconnected...
******* told the donkey to dangle the carrot:
apparently it taught the donkey
a carnivore diet... it's... ******* disorientating...
i'm guessing this is just an impasse...
i should be simply drinking and enjoying the music
i'm listening to...

but i'm a workaholic-alcoholic...
            i'm not going to stop drinking... ergo?
i'm not going to stop writing,
i know that the more i write i will not be writing
anything of consequence...
of something to base stop marks on...
but at least what i learned from the Ancient Roman
poets: conversational overtones are the key...
to the clue: and "somewhere" there's a door...
i will write about living:
i will write about living like it might be a river
continually preserved by some
"magical" mechanism of upkeep...

and isn't journalism sort of like that?
poetry can become journalism...
i think i'll make poetry a journalism:
a poetry-journalism complex...
i did the poet-philosopher thinking a long time
ago... i'm tired of it...
poet-philosopher deals with the element of earth:
unshakeable things... easily trodden on...
i'm asking for the status of
poet-journalist...
  for ascribing the venture into water...

among a few drunkards in some pub...
from which i was excused from...
on false allegations: for throwing a pint of beer
across the room...
whatever... we started talking...
this guy was from Birmingham...  blah blah
blah x3 later... are there any rivers
in Birmingham?
no? just canals... well... this is London...
there's old father Thames...

NO RIVER: NO FLOW...

seriously: i'm pulling these poems out of my ***
being contemplative about constipation...
i'm writing less about writing
and more about not thinking...
i was so good at thinking: thinking per se:
i.e. narrating my own life...

ah! res cogitans, res extensa... here's a curiosity!
res mutatio: things, change...
i've changed...
i've explored avenues and cul de sacs
other people also do... but in the world of reality
that's constrained by geo-political localities...

i'm stroking my beard...
i need a haircut... i need my beard trimmed:
no one beside a Turk is allowed
to touch my beard! no one beside a Turk!
i only trust Turks with the bristle of a beard...
keep the length: just tidy it up...
ugh... older women... bear comparisons...
you're such a bear...
call it: yawn of a bear: on the word LONE-LY...
am i? next time try a word best associated
with a GROWL...

lion? ha ha... lion... the king of mammals?
ha ha... ah ha ha...
   test a lion against a gorilla...
in a match-up...
then test a bear against a gorilla in a match-up...
that's the sport i'd love to see!

some vague "African thing": lion the emblem of
what?                                       BOAR and beer and BEAR...
i don't know... when i was a supervisor
and the people i was working with sort of obeyed...
maybe because i told them: free burgers...
otherwise they're going to throw them away...
catch them if you can...
OR?
                     i had the physique of:
don't **** with me... i must have said to one of them:
work with me... i don't care what the prior
supervisor said... i don't care...
she might have sent you home...
she's ego-tripping... you! me! just work with
me... we'll get through this...

well... it was hardly a landing on the moon...
oh sure... that must have been spectacular...
i mean: so many dreams concerning the moon
died when man landed on the moon...
the entire Islamic world collapsed...
but it worked... i was a benevolent person!
happiness filled the universe for a bit...
nothing was invented...
nothing was arrived at...
        but people weren't treated like slaves
gearing up to building the Giza pyramids: too!
i was given a higher authority:
but i didn't abuse it... i actually dug-under it...

i didn't become a ******* heart-surgeon either...
i came to the understanding of
the pristine man.... the man that i was becoming...
a man that others could wish could lead them...
after all... one of the stewards i was supervising
came to me after the shift and uttered the words:
it was a pleasure working with you;
hey presto!

today i ate something decent for the past 3 days of fasting
because of the heat-wave...
enough carbohydrates... enough protein... etc. etc.
and as much i might **** women's football...
i worked through the "indigestion":
i did watch the Lionesses brave it against
the conquistadores...
but... unlike watching women competing
professionally in tennis or any other sport...
i wasn't watching football...
i was watching the women...

i had my fill... i was making raspberry ice-cream...
i got bored...  fell asleep...
i sort of wished: if all these beautiful women
were less tom-boys... less affront...
like that quote from the movie: Gladiator...
when Marcus Aurelius uttered to his dauighter:
if you were born a man:
what a Caesar you would have made...

i was thinking likewise:
if you were born a woman in thinking you were
a woman: what a woman you would have
made!
        now? forget it...
i'd rather be a Darwinistic abnormality....
a vague "vogue"...
not even Copernicus could have hoped
for his perception to be this:
so shell-shocked: hijacked like Darwinism
was become... ha ha!
Darwinism has become subject to...
what eugenics tries to established as: norms
via ******... mutation...
        
                       i'm fine... i'm a mutant myself...
i was mutated from birth...
i was given the mark of Cain after the catastrophe
of Chernobyl spread to Poland...
my... care for Ukraine is therefore? nil...
       thanks: but not thanks...

and my "animosity" for women?
why i reserve the "right" to **** prostitutes and treat
them like mothers?
ingrained... unconscious constructs...
when i was born with a birth mark
on my right shoulder-blade...
a nurse in the hospital tried to choke me
to death... enlarging my heart...
you know what happens to a man...
when... he's been told that...
a woman: who is supposed to protect him:
tries to **** me? it's not a case of abortion...
it's not infanticide...
i was already born... i was already formed:
when i was first attacked: that wasn't the first
time i was attacked...

      my concern for women, ergo?
**** them: leave them...
               dogs are prized assets...
they bark and they slobber and they invented
the circle: chasing their own tails...
no no...

   this is not the time you get to dictate...
not in my personal life...
               dictate all you want in the public sphere...
however many French intellectual you wish
to summon...
            i'm going to spare you my immediacy
of heart-burn...
   i cycled to Rainham today to check out
what damage was done... i heard of none...

i **** prostitutes because i don't have time
for making dating-profile profiles...
for "likes": for glued eyes... for Parliament sensibilities...
i love: yes, prime minister, the sit-com...
the English arrogance is insatiable!
i say: **** the apples!
a poem a day keeps the psychologists away!

also? scrap concept of veganism!
there's no concept of a bullet-proof cabbage!