And I’ll sweep it all under the rug

And I’ll lie awake, not at night.

And I’ll twist all your words you gave me

So they don’t come out as lies.

And I’ll justify the actions.

Your threats. Your patterns. Your hands.

Around my throat while I’m sobbing

And caving into every demand.

And I’ll lie awake at night.

I’ll lie, lie and lie.

On my back sometimes.

And sometimes to my own mind.

And I’ll answer all the questions

With no emotion behind the words

Building a wall barricaded to prevent

A glimpse of all this hurt..

I’ll lie awake in the morning

And during the day and evening

Long into the night

Until I numb the feeling.

Until it’s all disguised.

Until you can’t tell a smile from a frown

Until my fingers stay steady

And nobody can see how

How my heart is broken

How I dont feel like I could.

How my visions are simulations

And my reality is blurred.

How my mind goes to a place at night

At the times I get to myself

And I’m left to feel my feelings

But they never actually get felt.

Excuses for the hate

Reasons for the lies

Justification for the gut feeling

When there’s nowhere left to hide.