I need to know.
I deserve to know.
It's made me insane,
All these years to not know why.
48 long, drawn out, unbearable years entirely alone.
Anyone that stayed in my life stayed to rob me or ruin me.
Why does everyone deserve someone but me?
Everyone has someone.
Someone they can trust
Someone they can talk to.
Someone that loves them.
Everyone but me.
Sure i have my children but they are grown and have enough weight of their own.
And Im not talking about a relationship.
**** relationships.
Life done taught me i'm not worthy.
Or God not sure which it is.
But neither likes me or want anything good for me.
I just need to understand why I've never really been wanted or needed for that matter.
What did I do?
I'm not a horrible person.
Even pedophiles have someone.
Family or a friend someone.
Family didn't want me from the beginning and hated me for existing.
Friends take advantage of me til there is nothing left to take.
Then the abandon me.
What did I do?
People say we'll you've always got God.
And I thought I did.
His betrayal cut the deepest.
And I found out my greatest fear was true.
Nobody has ever and will never want me.
I don't belong anywhere.
And no one claims me.
What did I do?


   L. Mack
        7/10/22