I've struggled for years in not knowing how to act
What to do or how to handle situations that might need great care
Only taught how to spend money and make fun of others
While my aunt was teaching her kids etiquette
My mother was teaching me everything but.
Pretending to care about me around others
At home it was daily insults, drinking and abuse.
I never knew what to do, always being afraid and intimdated by her
Hearing her voice of insults still today, I most of the time don't know
What to do, or which end is up.
She has destroyed me inside and out
The daily unstability that I feel with in myself.
Knowing that still today she would never approve or accept me
I was never good enough and, could never please her no matter what I did.

Unable to fulfill things in life I should have, but never having help
to get to where I need to be or should have been.

My life is full of confusion, wishing many times I was not here.
only holding on for a child,  I hope I've done a better job raising

A few years ago I was forced to move, having to dump all my beautiful furniture to afford the move.
I have had to furnish my home with furniture that had been dumped.

Some how with a glimmer of hope and feeling inside that I'm the luckiest person and I have so much.

I suffer with Agoraphobia and anxiety not knowing what to do next. Sometimes afraid to check the mail or take out the trash.

Hearing again my mothers voice, the disappointment I am to her.

No one has had to do what I've had to do to survive. Well maybe some have, but not in my family. I am the black sheep of the family.