These feelings of hopelessness attack me constantly like a tidal wave
And when they do they leave me feeling like I’ll forever live my life being trivial.

It’s something I can’t explain
Like how the wind blows suddenly and violently and in it’s aftermath leaves nothing but pandemonium.

I feel overwhelmed by my own emotions.
My ability to control them diminishes everyday.

If my future is something that is in the cards and if it’s what I want it to be then I want it now.

This feeling of longing for distant places and different people is consuming me.
I long for a life I’ve never had…
Not something better… Something different.

I miss someone I have never met…
Someone I’m not sure even exists.

I can’t accept that this is all I’ll ever be.
There is a possibility that things will change and a possibility that it will stay the same.
The odds are it’ll get worse if I don’t stop digging myself into a bottomless pit.

I’m screaming silently only I can hear the harsh sounds of my stifled screams
The noise is deafening.

I feel like I’ve been falling off a cliff since the day I was born..
When will I finally slam onto the ground?! I’m not afraid anymore..
Maybe I need to reach an even lower rock bottom
before I can stop fighting myself

It comes and goes in gigantic waves and it leaves me feeling like I’ll never be more than this.