thinking back to the time
we had reconciled
i remember how you wanted me
to touch you, and i said no
and you kept asking
asking if you could touch me instead
i kept saying no
but felt guilty, feeling like
i had to please you
to make you stay
remembering this, i wonder to myself
if all of this has been
transactional to you
and i try to check the facts as
i sift through more memories
of the times where love was withheld
and yet i still love you
because i've learned two things
can be true at one time
i can be disappointed,
and still be in love