Sep 2013
Even though I go to "bed" at like 9:00
I never manage to fall asleep before 12:00
I'm always up watching Netflix
Or writing cheesey things about him in my head
Or telling my dog how good she is
And the occasional snack/ *** break
Most nights I take a pill
Then I'm still awake
An hour later
Which puts me in this situation
Where I have absolutely nothing to do
Except think
And of course smoke some tree
But mostly think
I think about where we go after we die
How the universe and the multiverse and the galaxies and how we can't possibly be the only intelligent life form in that whole vast thing.
About love and how it plays it's cards
How maybe humans become a wee bit too attached
To things that shouldn't matter
And how I simply didnt have morals for a while
And also how I feel my heart grow less black everytime I admit that
I think a lot about this kid
Who kept me in his life, treated me like a princess
Then lies and betrays and tells me he never cared about me in the first place
I also spend a lot of time about my family
How my dad is so wonderful and so dedicated to doing whats right and pushing past the hard times to make that light in the distance a little bit brighter.
I wonder if my sister cares about me, and if she'll ever let me live my own life. I question her all the time but I also look up to her and aspects of her life I wish I had. How if maybe she treats me like **** because she thinks tough love will scare me straight. How if maybe she treats me like **** because she is jealous of me for being everything she isn't.
Then my mom. My crazy, dramatic, self centered, emotion wrecking ball, disaster mom. How she's always been there to cradle me and hold me and understand me when I don't even understand myself. We get along so well even though I annoy her and she ****** the **** out of me. And we make each other laugh. And we love each other, mostly because we're both a little crazy.
And these thoughts haunt my cerebrum
And keep me from my beauty sleep.
In the end I pop another melatonin and smoke out until my eyes feel like the way my soul feels;
Tired.
I never manage to fall asleep before 12:00
I'm always up watching Netflix
Or writing cheesey things about him in my head
Or telling my dog how good she is
And the occasional snack/ *** break
Most nights I take a pill
Then I'm still awake
An hour later
Which puts me in this situation
Where I have absolutely nothing to do
Except think
And of course smoke some tree
But mostly think
I think about where we go after we die
How the universe and the multiverse and the galaxies and how we can't possibly be the only intelligent life form in that whole vast thing.
About love and how it plays it's cards
How maybe humans become a wee bit too attached
To things that shouldn't matter
And how I simply didnt have morals for a while
And also how I feel my heart grow less black everytime I admit that
I think a lot about this kid
Who kept me in his life, treated me like a princess
Then lies and betrays and tells me he never cared about me in the first place
I also spend a lot of time about my family
How my dad is so wonderful and so dedicated to doing whats right and pushing past the hard times to make that light in the distance a little bit brighter.
I wonder if my sister cares about me, and if she'll ever let me live my own life. I question her all the time but I also look up to her and aspects of her life I wish I had. How if maybe she treats me like **** because she thinks tough love will scare me straight. How if maybe she treats me like **** because she is jealous of me for being everything she isn't.
Then my mom. My crazy, dramatic, self centered, emotion wrecking ball, disaster mom. How she's always been there to cradle me and hold me and understand me when I don't even understand myself. We get along so well even though I annoy her and she ****** the **** out of me. And we make each other laugh. And we love each other, mostly because we're both a little crazy.
And these thoughts haunt my cerebrum
And keep me from my beauty sleep.
In the end I pop another melatonin and smoke out until my eyes feel like the way my soul feels;
Tired.
