i’ve spent most of my life
avoiding big feelings

ducking from the intensity
that so often leads to disappointment

passion? look away.
anger? let’s table it.
grief? i’m fine.
love? as long as it’s not deep.
happiness? don’t get used to it.
excitement? a waste of time.

so when life threatens to jeopardize
my built-in anesthesia,

i don’t want to wake up.