I've been, at a loss for words. Drowned profusely in my own fears, nightmares, horrors and blockages of my own. Scared to take the first step, confused and in a state of loss and emptiness. Scared to put myself out there. I've been, hateful, judgmental, bitter, spiteful. I lost motivation. I don't know what I want to do with my life, with myself. I've started to hate men to the core and I turned into a bitter self sabotaging demon. I deleted my online poetry book because I was getting no money for it from my bank, because of currency fees. I have no idea what to do next once I complete my studies. I am at a loss for words. I feel empty, bitter, lonely, and full of misery. I don't want to see people or leave the house. I don't want to deal with people. I don't want to talk to anyone about my issues, it's pointless, it won't change how I feel. I have a hatred towards people. Something inside ofΒ Β me that I cannot control. My pride, my ego. It's trying to protect me, keep me safe. I don't ever want to get hurt again. I don't ever want to be betrayed again. Protecting myself so strongly that I don't even have any friends. Instead, I judge everyone else and beckon everyone to be fake and false. I am in my own cage, my own feelings, my own darkness. And I am too scared to get out