Im not sure how else to explain to you that I fully understand when you say things like "God is love, people are bad" and "God loves you still even when you're angry", it's pouring gasoline on an already large fire.

I already spent 16 yrs asking for him to give any amount of affirmation so I could calm the mental suffering and constant questions,
And feeling in my gut telling me this didn't fit.

I already spent 16 yrs with my ears open trying my hardest while listening to the absolute deafening silence I got in return.

Is that not enough for you?

Can I have my body and mind back now.
Can I use my voice for other things that bring my joy instead of
Defending and reasoning with you on why I'm allowed to make my own choices now.