everyone said it was a hard pill to swallow
so i held it at the back of my throat
contemplating
would i become better or worse for this

white wine
followed closely behind
making sure the pill found its way
to my bloodstream

they never told me
i would have to do this
again
and
again
until my body became numb
to the side effects

and even in the aftermath
after the side effects dissipated
i was told
to keep going

each gulp
becoming a reminder
of what never was
and what couldn't be