blue stationary
no bigger than my hand
black blood
nearly as thick as our crimson ones
collided

folding the paper, i keep it
my pocket was full that day
and so i emptied it

empty, empty, empty
but not as empty
as you made me feel
afterwards

picture-taking, hugging, dancing
singing at the top of our lungs
throats going hoarse
friendly "i love you" 's

wishing can **** you

before you left
i ran

hug him, one last time
come on

so i did

eyes downcast, i stuffed my feelings
into your left breast pocket
and ran away

i stood from a safe distance
so near, yet so far
as i watched you read the paper

eyes that resemble the dark soil
where trees are planted and that absorbs sunlight
grew wide behind your glasses
the color of pink roses dusted your cheeks
as if cherry blossom petals began to grow on you

silently, you keep the paper
as other eyes began to pry
you sent me little look that i caught
and our eyes met

you've never turned away so quickly away from me
until then

later that day
in the confines of my school bus
i texted you

i'm sorry for running out on you
and just stuffing the letter in your pocket
but
i'm not sorry for giving it
and
...
yeah
sorry.

you texted me later on,

it's alright

march eighteen
the day before our finals
you stopped texting me.

ever since then,
our eyes avoided each other
nicknames
drowned like fishes that were poisoned
holding hands
became nothing but a memory
jackets
lost their warmth
pen-tapping
was nothing but noise

and smiling
became nothing

however, on the last day of school
you came to me
you, whose eyes still continued to
avoid mine
slowly turned to face me

the cherry blossoms
looked so beautiful on your
pimple decorated cheeks

i thought
that you were there to talk to me
to say that you liked me back
that i was pretty
that you
needed me too

ah, but
you didn't

you
never
will

you were there for your other friends
friends that were my friends too
friends,
who cheered me on after i gave you the letter
when all others laughed at me

friends
that mean more to you
than i ever will

you stride through the halls
and wait as they came out
knowing full well
i was doing the same

you and i
face to face
on different sides
of the hallway
hands holding onto backpacks
eyes avoiding each other
glasses slightly off the edge

our friends soon came out
and the time for us to truly part
was near

maybe you knew it too

before i left, you tapped me on the shoulder
"Hey,"

i smiled a small smile of melancholy
"Hey."

"Enjoy your summer, Linsanity."

that *****
no bigger than my fist
clenched like it
it cracked
shattered
and was pierced
by the sheer happiness
innocence
on your face

ah,
i
see

it hurts, it hurts
it hurts so much

"You too."

and so,
we parted
you passed north
and i,
south.

your secret nickname was
gone
your public nickname was
gone
all that was left
was your last name
and it tasted
bitter
on my tongue

yet
why
am i
still
"linsanity"
to you?