title - jack, shoot!
body - join
the barber shop
brigade:
best start?
at an afro.     502 bad gateway bypass

nothing ever good came from thinking of oneself
as being good...
nothing! zilch! it's only dawning on me...
not that this fact is dawning upon me...
i knew this already, almost "always"...
   nothing good ever came from thinking oneself
as being good...
like i explained to Khedra: but she insisted:
you're good... yeah... but i don't think i'm good...
why would i? i also don't want to feel happy...
happiness doesn't allow you to be reflective...
it makes you reflexive: you're living in the moment:
lost to it... melancholy gives one a higher purpose...
it enlarges your capacity for memory...
anything that erodes the acidity of pedagogy...
pointless facts and rubrics and arithmetic that
poisons the minds of men and women who end up...
performing menial tasks of labour...
what has 1 + 1 = 2 got to do with anything when
stacking shelves at a supermarket?!
  absolutely **** all!
                      the psychological schematic
dissection of parts and pieces... of...
well... if "god" does not exist...
     why should a soul exist... and why should there
even be a logic behind it?
    and so... in vitro? in the dimension of glass...
in dimension of mirrors and smoke...
because where is the agony of fire?
                 oh, those cigarette burns on my knuckles
of my left arm are nicely healing...
stigma surrounding a man harrowing
his libido through a brothel...
   didn't the English girls leave double-standards
lying about? too hard to get? ******* nuns...
the best i ever got was...
this girl's dog... licking my ears...
      but i told it: not the face... sure... lick my ears...
then the licking of the knuckle wounds...
oh sweet pain... the highest form of sensation...
mind you: i couldn't possible exercise giving
pain that i myself couldn't ingest...
oculus per oculus: an eye for an eye...
           it resounds... echoes: fair...
primitive... but...         n'ah... none of this modern
secular *******... it's "humane" for delaying
punishment...
    oh man... she should have come out with it
in the beginning... i gave off a scent of being appealing...
thump! the accusation! get me fired!
#metoo... she liked me immediately...
             stupid girl... got tangled up in...
a tactic that backfired... self-sabotage...
            well... can't back away from this one...
i did mention along the way:
   i wouldn't date anyone i worked with...
sort of unprofessional...
                    if she wanted to date me... i offered her
the prospect... so she got herself fired...
blocks me on all avenues of communication...
how's that going to work?!
there's playing coy... there's playing hard-to-get...
and then there's: just the plain daft: impossible...
madwoman territory...
  what?! i'm going to raise a kid by one man...
and also... pay off the debt that another man racked up?!
we're not dealing with antiques...
we're dealing with broken women...
women broken by men who were probably raised
by women like her...
       stigma about going to the brothel...
no... i'm sort of immune to that...
last time i went... after an hour...
i was walking down the stairs...
   she was walking ahead of me... she took the time
to walk down the stairs quickly and turn
around... and feast her eyes on me...
what i was wearing... she smacked her lips...
nice... just what i was expecting...
  hmm... in the name of the father and of the son
and the holy ghost...
well... trilogies... trinities... triads?!
              i'm starting to suspect that... i have all the traits
of being... THAT guy...
            spending so much time in German thought...
it's almost, very refreshing ti delve into French thinking...
via translation.... it's very much a "word salad":
a clash of conjunctions & prepositions...
       that's how i see it... it's not like ancient Latin...
odd... whenever the Hebrew deity went...
either the subservient minor (deities) joined the host...
became fallen angels: Ba'al...
   Beelzebub... to name but a few.... Moloch...
                    but like the scripts of the people...
who derided the Hebrews... the script of the Egyptians...
the hieroglyphs... the cuneiform of the Babylonians...
well... the Romans plagiarised the deities
of the Greeks... but... hmm... their text is still
intact... seems like... the Hebrews bewildered
themselves... over 2000 years...
why can't this alphabet, simply, die?!
     oh... this alphabet... it's not going anywhere...
it has become entombed in technology...
  in coding... scribble your little Indu-'Ebrew
schmiggles... sure... add some Arabic wiggles of
you desert people... shame the pig...
                learn to wear shoes that are not made
from pig: leather... keep your pants on without
the use of pig leather used on belts...
                         but... usually... what happened was...
the text of the people would be overcome
by the Hebrew deity...
             lost to time... how adamant of "us" to have
kept it...
sure... but the Runes succumbed to a sense
of sensibility... as this the Glagolitic Script...
      ⰏⰀ: m'ah... he / she (has)
              ᛗᚨ: also m'ah (the H is a surd...
a vowel-catcher... or... the instigator of / for
laughter... thereby a vowel-generator)...
  fair enough... these two alphabets disappeared...
they weren't practical...
even with the Holocaust... how is the Latin
script supposed to simply: "*******"?!
now i see the reemergence of the Egyptian hieroglyphs
with the emoticons...
       are you, absolutely sure... that...
almost everyone has been liberated from the shackles
of illiteracy? you sure?
   i don't think so... i have good reason to not think
so...
           but there's this "feel" among:
but it's the 21st century man... like, what?
that's somehow an opening for enacting
a 2nd year zero scenario?!
           what sort of an excuse is it to give to people
when saying: but it's the 21st century man!
and... human nature... switched off...
from its primordial vectors... overnight...
things suddenly changed when the 20th century
came to a closure? **** me... i thought i was naive...
guess this fox has plenty of chicken shacks
to choose from...
            21st century my ***...
                       it's a bit like that **** myth...
the thousand year *****! ha ha... it sounds... exactly:
just like that... all i hear is "excuses"...
but people are not like x, y & z...
no... people are exactly like the x, y & z
that you don't have the stomach for: digesting...
we're cold... we're calculating...
we're everything we wish we shouldn't be...
               and all the while people scream: oh god!
oh god! why me!
and god replies... but i made you, this way...
because i am, of this nature... of this disposition...
that's how man fell... he tried to overcome
the strict obligations of nature:
for something to exist in the first place...
it must be ruthless... kindness wouldn't bring
any of this to exist in the first place...
              STRIFE... what's the German equivalent?
STREIT... i prefer the English version...
                   if there's no struggle: there's no will...
if there's no will... there's no life...
to hell with freedom per se...
                  freedom akin to happiness is an unsatisfying
concept to want to uphold...
it's: illusionary...
it breeds incompetence... it breeds:
counter-productive-animosity...
                   superficial social standards of:
"invasion of one's personal space":
i haven't hit you yet, just tapped you on the shoulder...
etc.
                such a shame though...
i really fancied her... but off she went looking to be
an abused teenage girl in Rotherham...
waiting for her next Pakistani ****...
                      i tried... guess my words did ring true
in the end... liars don't walk on stilts...
i don't even think i manipulated anyone...
i just waited... i did make sure that my shirts were
properly ironed... that my trousers were too...
that i was properly pampered with the usual suspects
of creams, perfumes... etc.,
         once more: isn't slander... liable in H'america?!
can't you be put in court for... insinuating
a falsehood about someone?
                you know... trying to get them fired...
if she fancied me... but didn't want to work with me...
****'s sake... she SWIPED REAL LEFT this time...
she was swiping left left, left left... while i was working
a shift with her... no wonder i can only get a hard-on
in a brothel... what ******* reality ar we talking about
when it was as easy as going to a bar
and picking up a girl? the 1950s?! and i was accused
of being "out of reach of reality"... really?!
these girls are unavailable... they're talking to you
while also swiping rejection slips on a dating app...
******* herr doktor meister psychologyst...
and... being a hermit for so long...
i thought i'd be the one... telling strangers of my woes...
i remained reserved... and what did i hear?
what i didn't want to hear...
there was no talk about movies... music...
Heidegger's hammer... past relationships... past regrets...
and all... from women! it's almost as if...
something was stolen... the past 20 years...
almost insinuating: and where were you?!
hey... choice is a freedom afforded to us all...
it's this accusative tone... insinuated... covert...
   but, but... but... but...
      yeah... **** happens... that happy ship has sailed;
life.