Mar 2022
I had a way out, m
Of this entire life.
Start over in the big city,
New York.
Bought the plane ticket and everything.
Two nights before I was supposed to leave,
My friend wanted to party, send me off with a bang so to speak.
This was the night that I should’ve just stayed home, listened to my gut.
My ex and I broken up again, and once again my world was complete ****.
My friend picked me up and we headed to the house that ironically was two streets down from where I use to live with another girl who wanted to be in a relationship with me but under the circumstances we couldnt.
And it was 4 blocks away from my ex’s mothers house.
I knew the area well, I walked it numerous times.
The party was chill, everyone had their drinks. I wanted to be safe so I brought my own to start off.
The music was blasting, we all had a good time.
That was until the drugs came out.
This was the time I relapsed hard.
I wanted to feel numb, I wanted to forget everything for as long as I could.
I wanted to forget her, forget how I felt about her.
So I snorted the lines, took the shots and I buried myself in as much of the **** as I could.
Turns out one of our other former friends liked me, we kissed.
Had a great time.
That was until I had to run.
I don’t know how the fight started between the other people in the other room, I just know that the second I heard the sound of a gunshot, my first instinct was get the **** out.
Luckily my friends and I were all in the kitchen just about to take our shots, I took two of them and pushed them out of the kitchen and through the living room.
It happened fast, that gun smacking the side of my head.
I remember seeing the instant flash of red and white.
I couldn’t see straight but honestly I think those last two shots helped.
Four guys were punching each other and the fight moved into the living room we were in.
Apparently I must’ve looked like one of the guys they were fighting because the guy that hit me with gun came at me again.
“Oh ****”
The punches wouldn’t stop.
Eventually I tackled him as hard as I could just in time to get us out and put my friends in the car and told the only sober one to get them home and since there wasn’t any room in that ******* small car I stayed behind.
Another gunshot and a scream as they drove away,
So I ran as fast as I could, stumbling every now and then of course.
I tried going to the old little house my friend Marissa lived in that we got, when I got to the door I remembered she didn’t live there anymore.
So I kept running,
Threw up a couple times and kept running.
I ended up at the alleyway on the edge of my ex girlfriends mothers house.
I stopped when I got to the sidewalk by the edge of the driveway.
That’s when it hurt,
I knew that even if I showed up beaten up bloodied,
She wouldn’t help.
Or maybe she would I don’t know.
I mean why should she?
I was the pathetic ******* ex,
I don’t deserve help.
I could’ve just tried, knocked on the door at least.
Instead
So I ran so more.
Of this entire life.
Start over in the big city,
New York.
Bought the plane ticket and everything.
Two nights before I was supposed to leave,
My friend wanted to party, send me off with a bang so to speak.
This was the night that I should’ve just stayed home, listened to my gut.
My ex and I broken up again, and once again my world was complete ****.
My friend picked me up and we headed to the house that ironically was two streets down from where I use to live with another girl who wanted to be in a relationship with me but under the circumstances we couldnt.
And it was 4 blocks away from my ex’s mothers house.
I knew the area well, I walked it numerous times.
The party was chill, everyone had their drinks. I wanted to be safe so I brought my own to start off.
The music was blasting, we all had a good time.
That was until the drugs came out.
This was the time I relapsed hard.
I wanted to feel numb, I wanted to forget everything for as long as I could.
I wanted to forget her, forget how I felt about her.
So I snorted the lines, took the shots and I buried myself in as much of the **** as I could.
Turns out one of our other former friends liked me, we kissed.
Had a great time.
That was until I had to run.
I don’t know how the fight started between the other people in the other room, I just know that the second I heard the sound of a gunshot, my first instinct was get the **** out.
Luckily my friends and I were all in the kitchen just about to take our shots, I took two of them and pushed them out of the kitchen and through the living room.
It happened fast, that gun smacking the side of my head.
I remember seeing the instant flash of red and white.
I couldn’t see straight but honestly I think those last two shots helped.
Four guys were punching each other and the fight moved into the living room we were in.
Apparently I must’ve looked like one of the guys they were fighting because the guy that hit me with gun came at me again.
“Oh ****”
The punches wouldn’t stop.
Eventually I tackled him as hard as I could just in time to get us out and put my friends in the car and told the only sober one to get them home and since there wasn’t any room in that ******* small car I stayed behind.
Another gunshot and a scream as they drove away,
So I ran as fast as I could, stumbling every now and then of course.
I tried going to the old little house my friend Marissa lived in that we got, when I got to the door I remembered she didn’t live there anymore.
So I kept running,
Threw up a couple times and kept running.
I ended up at the alleyway on the edge of my ex girlfriends mothers house.
I stopped when I got to the sidewalk by the edge of the driveway.
That’s when it hurt,
I knew that even if I showed up beaten up bloodied,
She wouldn’t help.
Or maybe she would I don’t know.
I mean why should she?
I was the pathetic ******* ex,
I don’t deserve help.
I could’ve just tried, knocked on the door at least.
Instead
So I ran so more.
