7:13 am,
My mind never seems to stop wandering, honestly I wish there was just a switch.
Instead I’m doing my laundry with her on the FaceTime,
I keep worrying about what could happen.
What has happened.
Like what if our time together again is really is just going to be cut short again.
Honestly I’m worried about her,
I don’t want to see her hurting again.
I don’t even think she believes me when I do tell her I want to be her friend,
It’s like with everyone in my life it takes extraordinary measures to just be heard.
Which I don’t want to do anymore, it’s exhausting.
I use to always try to get my point across, put my foot down kind of.
Now?
I just want to be happy, and I’m learning new things like being comfortable in telling someone no I don’t want to do that.
I use to be a big people pleaser because I was taught that the idea of you is important, how you look, how you present yourself has to be perfect.
Now I just like doing the things that make me happy and I’m okay with doing them alone now.
It was scary at first because I use to hold onto the idea that I needed to find a partner in life to make it so to speak,
When really all i needed was to be able to be happy with myself.
So far so good.
Sometimes it gets dark,
I second guess myself.
I don’t know maybe it’s all part of the process.
Even writing this is all over the place,
Honestly I’m worried she’s gonna have a nightmare and that I’m not gonna be able to calm her down.
Or that maybe I still can…
Either way all I know for sure?
I can’t figure out what I’m feeling exactly, only that I want to be here for her no matter what.
Like I promised