If I said that I long to be happy,
that would be a lie.
In truth,
Happy hurts more than anything else.
At this point I'm not sure
if hate it,
or am afraid.

What is happy?
What is this feeling
that leaves me miserable when alone?

Being miserable
and in pain
is by far easier on my soul,
than those fleeting moments of happiness.

Happy is something that hurts,
Happy is something brief,
Happy is something I do not wish to experience.