title: rama
body:
am Ra:
or what's...
Rushki
shh... shh... please.   502 bypass

when i think about myself having ***, after i just had ***...
i think about... rather... listen...
to all the possible Nine Inch Nails songs...
i don't know: no music is better to decipher my face
during *******...
i encircled the brothel a few times...
armed with 200cl of brandy and some Pepsi...
listening to the Fragile on repeat...
i was waiting for the cockroaches of the early night
to disperse... huddle into some oblivion of a corner...
it's almost 1am... i've returned from all sort of
debauchery... listening to... Nine Inch Nails'
Heresy (version)... i'm feeling pumped...
no point going to the gym...
i just ******* twice...
odd... very odd... i think i'm going to get myself
a girlfriend...
i sort of knew this was coming... coming...
i don't remember the last time i ******* my *****
into a woman... this time... felt odd...
felt like i had a filter on... it's so different when
you do it inside of her into a ******...
it sort of... accumulates...
when you ******* without a ******...
it's like... stars are born... 1 million lightyears
away from the present...
mind you... i'm not a teenager...
i gave her the look... i'm about to ******...
should i pull out? do the whole tissue project
of cheap abortions?
even she looked puzzled... you actually know
when to pull out?
so i asked... can i? ******* inside of you?
sure... it's not like i'm going to get pregnant...
later on she asked me:
you, poet, in shallah... you're going to become
a meteor... missionary, throughout...
oh she liked it... she even said that she did...
tongue waggling... *** slapping... lip biting...
tongue wriggling... tongue *******...
oysters galore...
        she showed me the bruises her ex left her...
burned her... stabbed her... whatever...
showed me pictures of her daughter...
her daughter's father... an Englishman... ******...
blah bah... if only the people i interact with knew
that i was diagnosed as psychotic...
second time i *******... well... let's put it this way...
she's just a little taller than me when i kneel
before her... we were smoking, talking...
i brought some leftover brandy... she tried to feed me
some... ****** *******... i said no...
she smudged her finger in some of the ash...
fed it to me... ugh! what's this?! pharmaceutical big
heaven?! what is this... paracetamol for... *******?!
exchanging life stories... i tell her...
i came to England aged 8... she started drawing the figure
for me current age: 35...
so i tell her... here since the age of 8...
but never been with an English woman...
why?
  the ******* nunnery...
they're all pretend nuns...
          nun?!
    rahibe... she used some bogus translator...
they pretend to be nuns...
uptight Jane Austen meets Charlotte Bronte types...
no... nothing horrifying
akin to the only female genius out there...
Shelley...
oh, ****... a woman tells you she's not going to get
pregnant... quizzical look:
you're going to ***** into me or not...
can i? well... i'm not going to get pregnant...
second time the lubricant was out...
jerking like mad... tongue out... spitting on the phallus...
what's not to be loved about women?
more talk...
might as well... chances are... i might still get
a third child into the bargain...
we're already planning a date around her free Sunday...
i'm thinking... cinema? n'ah... i'd rather take her
for a walk... perhaps spot some deer...
  beautiful daughter, mind you...
but the tactic worked...
   2x 20minute excessive bicycling sessions...
fasting... i only ate some cottage cheese
     with a hot-cross bun and some jam...
             a bottle of white wine: *** vino virilitas...
****** off without actually climaxing...
chill... chill... now i'm completely relaxed...
i'm looking at having a girlfriend that's also
a *******... hell... let's not judge...
we all have to share the same ******* pavement...
ride the same bus...
     ooh... the universality of gravity...
all get dragged down...
                  but taste this...
   how must my personal hygiene be up to scratch...
if she allowed me to ******* into her?
even she said: it doesn't matter if you're wearing
a ******... all those Indians are aqua-phobic...
and this is coming from a Turkish woman...
see! i know there's a third avenue of Islam waiting
in the fore... unlike the H'arab "orthodoxy"
and the Persian "unorthodoxy"...
there's an itching third branch of Islam waiting
to be spawned... spearheaded by the Turks!
we agreed... in this profession...
what sane woman would allow a pundit to...
******* into her...
wait... wait... there was a pause before i actually did...
well lucky me...
all in the *******...
how beautiful i am...
how intense my look while *******...
blah blah... i take these things to heart...
because: i have a heart...
no western woman would ever say such things...
proud nunnery *******...
stiff *****... i'll take the Turkish *******...
to hell with wanting to idolise all that that sells crap ****-in
-ing;
my god... i still have the scent of her skin
on my skin...
    petite little creature... ol' raven hair...
when i kneel before her she's just a forehead's height
above me...

right now: the world can *******...
it doesn't even exist...
that's the beauty of fathoming relationships,
however imperfect they are:
they are nonetheless: EXCLUSIVE...
i guess i could think of something...
she's already thinking of exporting my writing...
she wants out: and i want in...
i already messaged her back:
you know... i never felt this good since
the last time i played hide & seek as an 8 year old boy...

i gave her a copy of a book of poems
i wrote... not that it was a massive sample...
signed it... all my love: Khedra...
let's see what happens next...
    a life in Istanbul doesn't seem that bad...
i'd get the best beard trim in the world...

it was worth it... standing pointless... pointless...
at those stadiums... in the cold...
dealing with football hooligans...
as... steward / security guard...
      yeah... all those hours... worth it...
for this one hour spent with Khedra... worth every moment...
that's what i intended to spend
the earned money on to begin with... prostitutes!
why would i spend it on anything else?
mind you... how charming... have i become?
extroverted... she's now asking me
whether i'd care to spend time with her outside
the brothel!
    why judge... it's not like she has an only-fans
account... like she's bribing sim-ps-on-loans...

who the **** am? odd...
                     i love it when she strokes my beard...
tells me i'm her type...
oh man... and i thought i had the charm offensive...
but with English girls... you try it...
and it's like: talking to someone with prosthetic limbs...
a bit ******* awkward...
they look sort of horrific when trying to
speak let alone move...

at least here... i paid for ***...
i didn't pay for lies or... ****** *******...
but i got all three... well... why would she lie?
well... now i didn't just impregnate her...
what's that, she's going to leverage my *****
on some poor schmuck?
could happen... felt strange when compared
to the first time when she managed to stretch my
imagination of relief into the concentrated
presence of a ******...

i'm past living a safe life... let what may come:
come;
even my madness turned out to be,
rather... unsatisfactory... it always missed the mark of:
well... if there's no woman involved?
i'm ******* sane, by all accounts!
even if i've been diagnosed as mad...
it truly takes a woman... to... make the full transition
into: being a madman...
what's that... child no. 3?

               ha ha... quizzical: you're going to *******
into me? can i?
do you want me to? well... thank god there was no:
"oops"... i asked for permission...
she gave it... now i'm sort of waiting
for... payback... maybe i can draw on the insanity
card...
eh... life's great lottery.