Half drunk and fully ruined
I decided I was going to destroy myself
That summer.
Sometimes its poetic not to survive,
Not everything can be made to be beautiful.
I should've known that before I really did.

"I hardly remember what happened"
I insisted as tears dropped into my shot glass
And flooded the table.
I licked it up of course,
I couldn't afford to loose something
I desperately believed could save me.

What I mean't by saying I hardly remembered
Was that I'd only thought about it every day since.
His eyes closed against his tattooed face.
My shorts and underwear
Lying on the floor.
When I stood up and that blood
Dribbled down my legs.

Everyone laughed when I took a ninth shot.
"You're crazy"
They said,
But I wasn't.