I don’t understand how someone who said they loved you so much,
Could erase you like you’re nothing.
I didn’t ask to love you as much as I do
I also didn’t know that I had to just erase everything we had every memory and force myself to move on like you.
I want to heal the right way not force myself to move past everything I feel.
I don’t want to just act like it was all nothing.
I didn’t ask to be in that accident either and I didn’t ask for all the pain, the anger the hurt I didn’t ask for any of this.
And I don’t understand why I can’t just heal
Not in a rush.
I can’t just jump into a relationship and say I’m better without you
I can’t just delete every memory I have from you because those are the most precious memories I will always carry and I can’t let those go.
And you are cruel, you have been cruel.
Yet I cannot hate you, I could never hate you.
And now you say I broke you when I blocked you for the first time
I will never understand that,
I had to live with being broken like that over and over again.
It hurts, it rips you apart and I am sorry that you felt that.
I also know I can’t let myself hurt anymore…
I wanted you in my life as well, I wanted to grow and heal and I wanted you to be proud of me.
Yet this whole time I was hurting myself more.
And I can’t do that anymore.