title: 15km
body: shorter via
a 0.15cm exponential
quest.                                502 bad gateway bypass...

what could i possibly want to write about today?
i messaged one of the supervisors about
a shift reminder... he said 11am... i'm pretty sure of it...
but the sign in was at 10am...
i felt so stupid... i'm always before the sign-in hour...
only when my coworkers told me did
i go back to the supervisors signing us all in:
i'm so sorry... but i texted Anthony and he said 11am...
you must have misunderstood...
sure... it's not like i'm licking anyone's ***...
what's that word... being...
    no... it's not being contentious...
contentious: borrowed from contempt...
sort of rhymes with conscious / conscience...
           ah! conscientious...
               yeah, i want to do the work i'm supposed
to get done so i don't have to deal any little dramas
and talking behind my back sort of dynamics...
shakes hands with my superiors... look them in the eyes...
but since i expressed my concern:
my coworkers sort of forgave me for...
i came when the shift kicked-off while they were
standing aloof for an hour doing doing
beside mingling...
              what a boring day, what a perfectly boring day...
pitch-side... fist bumped the teams mascots...
one kid run down to get a closer look at his favourite
player... who's your favourite player?
Bowen? you reckon he's going to get his first cap
for England any time soon?
such a pretty sight... when a young kid engages
with you... i'm seriously gearing up to this teacher "thing"...
do this for a year... then... even if i get a security license...
i'm going after the references...
since familial ties don't allow you to have references...
so much for working with my father in
the construction industry doing the roofing...
don't get me wrong... fun work... heavy duty work...
but this stewarding gig is become more and more
of a breeze... today i zoned out...
sunglasses on... i was daydreaming about...
Jeminah... why did she block me on WhatsApp?
after the banana loaf, the homemade wine...
the flowers on Valentine's Day i left in the night...
riding the bicycle drunk... falling over from an exhausted
heart? she looked so pretty...
thank god i never used dating apps...
on one shift i was paired up with her...
in front of me she was swiping... left.... lefT...
     leFT... lEFT... LEFT...
                 sort of unnerving... we're working...
but we're sort of trying to figure out dating...
talking on the bench...
but there she is... short-circuiting...
she needs to be elsewhere...
she needs to get a 2nd validation... on a dating app...
while i'm over here, in her presence...
looking at trees... looking at the birds...
the Thames...
      i don't know why she did what she did...
but she's feeling **** about it... most probably...
me? what an easy day...
i took at break at the right time... after half time...
5 minutes to smoke a cigarette...
another 5 minutes to loiter... and as i was walking
back to my position West Ham scored against Wolves...
my mum saw me on t.v.,
   later on... these two lads came up to me
asking me to take a photograph of them...
my 2nd, 3rd, 4th supervisor: a busy-woman:
all women who are strict hierarchical creatures...
busy-bodies... oh... he can't do this, that...
me and the lads had non-verbal cues...
it's a joke... it really is... she merely "thinks" she's an
authority figure...
point me to a machine gun... she's going
to cower...
                    by then we were smiling at each other
like lads do...
by then the two lads... Irish? northern...
asked another steward to take a picture...
but one of them said: he has to be in it... i.e. me...
so i wrapped my hands around them
while standing in the middle...
2nd time someone at the London stadium asked
to have a photograph taken with me...
it's nice... i'm a pawn... i'm not a mascot...
where did i find this extroverted social creature
that has been hiding post-psychosis for almost
10 years?! wow!               like, literally... wow!
who is this guy?
chances are i'll be doing an NVQ level 3 course
to become a supervisor... i've only started this job
in late November, i'm already the first newcomer to
have passed level 2...
and if i get my SIA badge... weird...
writing about work... in me there's no malaise that
can be associated with the concept of work
bound to Bukowski's writing... that work is somehow
mundane... i have a **** motto to work
from / with: arbeit macht frei...
it does... truly... obviously if my writing paid...
well... a completely different story...
then again... perhaps it's good that it didn't pay...
why? because i still have a hard-on to keep doing it:
regardless of any monetary justification
of being compensated, "compensated": rewarded...
being away from people for almost a decade...
it must have taken the people about 2 years
to catch up to my isolation... we're on common ground...
we can rebuild... something...
give it year...
              get the references... apply for a job as a chemistry
teacher... hell... chances are you might
even put forth your passion for the English tongue...
you might not even have to teach chemistry
but teach English...
Jeminah... what a disappointment that was...
and i liked her so much...
           oh well... so i went to the brothel and picked up
an old fling... Khedra... Khadra... Khadijah...
Khadirah... one of those names...
ever since we exchanged numbers... she sent me selfies
and... one spicy photography exposing her torso...
i sent her some: you're the green grass of Jennah, verdant...
that's what your name means...
one photograph of me walking through a forest
at night... and...
a link to a song...
     jordi savall's - sibil.la Llatina...
             some smooch along the day... you're petite...
blah blah, blah... the usual charm offensive...
after all... we're talking about a Turkish *******...
i also told her... i either get paid at the end of the month...
or at the beginning of it... today's the 27th... so... soon...
that's why she gave me her number...
so i could call and check so she would be there...

now? i've ****** off about twice since our last encounter...
weird... twice?
i ****** off to the pictures she sent me
and... i hate lesbian ****... but i can't stomach watching
anything but lesbian ****...
i'm esp. ***** when i'm tired...
but my hand... there's this lubricant layer...
i can almost feel my hand turn into her mouth...
i can almost feel my hand turn into her ******...
after all: unprotected *** with a *******...
next time? i'll pay for 1 and a half hours...
i want to perform some oral *** on her...
they usually charge more for that sort of crap...
what if i just bring a bottle of Jack Daniels?
no... i'll bring a tip too: for me to perform oral ***
on her...
i wonder what'll she say, then...
no... wait... i'll tell her: now you look in the mirror!

thank god i never had a chance to
use dating apps... i went as far as facebook...
but we're talking a time when facebook was still
only supposed to be used by university students...
so it was like a university "thing"...
mind you... all this?
publisher bypass offensive...
i'm not going to wait for something of mine
to be published... but someone else's convenience
or bias... today i looked at... a stadium filled with...
60 thousand people...
my most popular poem sits above a 40 thousand mark...

a number... a number on a screen...
but seeing... that number of people... in real life?!
wow!

i got back to Romford rather early, with some of
the remaining fans...
only yesterday i cooked two dinners simultaneously...
a spaghetti Bolognaise
and this... poached chicken, bacon, onion
and onion puff pastry roll...
today i was like: i feel like a hamburger...
there's no pork, i.e. ham in it...
but... it has probably originated from the city of
Hamburg... like the hot dough dog
comes from Frankfurt... hence the Frankfurter...
Wendy's... the sole outlet on the Romford
high street... wow...
Dave's Simple? that's the basic at Wendy's?
i imagine that if i were a woman...
eating in public, alone... could come across as
somehow problematic...
i sat at the window and attracted customer...
eating alone in a public place?
sorry... i don't know what dinner dates entail...
i'm here for the food...
i'm here for the peace and quiet...

honestly? this is a brand endorsement: Wendy's...
Burger King and McDonald's can hide...
cower... beat dog with its tail behind its hind (legs)...
Wendy's is the... ******* BOMB...
the ******* love-shack...
the moment i found this extroverted guy
who feels comfortable in a crowd of football hooligans...
eating alone in public never gives me
feels of being a loner... a longer... i.e. longing for something...

oh man... the lettuce for bright dark green...
Wendy's... the best burgers in town...
again: McDonald's and Burger King and hide
under the table... stale... pale... buns...
Wendy! Wendy! more! more!
isn't it fun... the sort of old style capitalism...
when you can celebrate good business models?!
when it's not all leftoid ******* critiques:
all is bad! shake shake! all is bad!
in my books... Wendy's... all the whiskey companies...
all the beer companies...
have a carte blanche... they're the ******* Vatican...
sure... TfL has its shortcomings...
but i'm still getting to places on time...

i really can't remember the last time i had a Hamburg berg
so good in... a long... long time...
well yeah, i know: brand propaganda...
KFC ***** ***... Wendy my darling:
please ensure you keep your employees happy...
the best burgers in town...
and i've been told this before...

when you eat... you look like you're eating...
what was i supposed to be doing?
taking a ****?!

life... ah... just that... for all the little psychological troubles
in my 20s... i'm finally reaping the rewards in
my 30s... not like anyone noticed...
can't go mad, twice...
life begins again... more gains...
i'm freed from the slanted dynamic of the dating
market... i can just send a music suggestion
to a ******* and she...
stops sending me selfies and half nudes...
when i tell her: you're as beautiful as this medieval song...

i love Wendy's... there's this vibe...
it's not the McDonald's vibe... the early worker mingling
with begrudging teenagers...
misfits... is it all about you...
pouring your own soft drinks?!
something's up at Wendy's... that's not happening
at either McDonald's or Burger King...
oh... right... Wendy's not big enough...
not... "big enough"...
so they still focus on the old capitalist mentality of
being start-ups and not...
"constitutional"... authoritative...
like the government of Libya... or Iraq... but...
less country and: all company... private...

best burgers in town... and... it felt great eating alone...
i hate the idea of talking and eating...
i could never go on a date...
the idea of talking while eating is...
counterfeit... to... what eating is about...
when i eat: i eat...
when i ****... i ****...
  it's pretty basic...
           ooh... i can't wait to get paid...
here's me to predicating this writing on...
and to the brothel i will go and drown my sorrows
in some proper *******!