I wish I was more adequate in life
not so incompetent at daily tasks.
I find my memory in my brain lets me down
and makes everyone around me wear a frown.

I try so much even to the point where it wears me out.
I can't sleep for long anymore.
I yearn for the day where I can go outside
enjoy the sunshine again without feeling sick
just a basic human right
be able to go out walking with my family.
I really love nature
feel more at peace when I'm outside.  

I struggle to read information and books
so I cant ever really appreciate them as much.
They use to be my main escapism;
I loved reading books when I was younger
I could read well then but things just got a lot harder
the older I got reading things ended up being a chore.
very tiring for me as I couldn't focus for long with my eyes.

I need peace and quiet to be able to absorb what's going on
so I can take in what's being said to me
and picture the story in my head.  
It's hard to do this when everything is noisy
and all of a sudden my eye vision becomes more blurry
that I have to reread each sentence again
to fully understand it all.  
I give up on reading books years a go;
it was just too difficult to do.  
I still have a good vocabulary
and I can still write my thoughts down
and do my writing while I can still do that
my illness has not in fact won me.

I will get to that point where I can enjoy my reading again
and escape in my books when life gets really tough.
I don't really find much pleasure in watching TV
its boring to me
I love listening to music more  
there are some good films or documentaries which I love to watch
from time to time.

I always had an active interest in poetry, dancing, singing and cooking programmes also anything to do with Science, Crime documentaries and phycology too.
The human mind always fascinates me
I love learning about why people behave in a certain way;
I do try to understand other peoples motivations and background to have a greater empathy and learn how to best help them.

I have even helped out my worst enemy before
as I'm a good problem solver, creative and
look at things in a different way to the norm.  
Sadly I am not always the greatest listener
down to my tinnitus which affects my hearing
I'm really not stupid as I look
and can still communicate to other people fairly well.

I find I do bottle up a lot of emotions
which isn't good for my health
and creates negative energy
which affects me and my family;
so I've got to learn to express myself better
and not let my temper get the better of me.
I am in fact a nice lady but I do admit
that I have some anger and paranoia issues
sometimes which I need to learn to deal with
so I can progress and get on better with my life.

It's still all a work progress in my Life as my writing
and singing is which I'm trying to get right.  
I can then be the best mummy I can be to Sophie.
I keep trying with everything and that's the main thing.
I just can't wait to start my treatment
really start living and enjoying life the way it should be
have more time with my family
enjoy the great outdoors also keep pursuing
and working ******* my creative hobbies
my passions for writing, singing and coloring
which I will get even better at once I worked on my hearing
and eye sight issues are sorted out they were always holding
me back at school and in the work place but this year is the year for me to be the best I can be.