I am not rough around the edges
I am not a badass,
and I do not worship the devil,
well, not the way you think I would.
I definitely do not sacrifice babies
unless I were having an abortion.
There is no such thing as Jesus
and I don’t pray to God,
but I will say his name in vain.
The only thing I believe in
is myself,
and that’s only on a good day.

I have crucifixes hanging on my wall
in all directions and sizes as decoration.
Antique Jesus stares at me
when I ******* in bed,
or get high in my living room.
That’s sacrilegious, I know.

My rituals don’t involve
naked women and blood,
but rather bubbles baths
with a side of red wine.
I’m sorry to tell you,
but I am just an average somebody.