title: filthy-familiar...
body: in fifth place,
unfathomable so.

   come to think of it... i'm only here for finding 502 bad gateway hacks and google-whacks... the rest, the personal stuff... eh... m'eh...

and while we were at work, we'd took
the time to visit a graveyard and
inspect the graves...
oh... how glorious it felt...
i told her that her knee would give out...
it did...
the park at night with the church-bells...
i'm sort of sad she wasn't "ashore" when all
of this happened... this female forever
"elsewhere"... she can be with you in a graveyard
at night... but she can't be with your
snuggling comfortably on a Saturday night...
i'm starting to see the bigger picture...
i can start seeing...
****** with a lust...
             it's not fair because it's simply not fair...
it's because...
some people shouldn't be allowed their
over-expanse of freedoms...
why? why?! seems like a waste of reasonableness
within the confines of freedom...
i greatly, cannot appreciate it...
best be dead... since when living...
there's not much to add...
there's actually a minus to mind...
she can take me to the graveyard...
she can drink my homemade wine... in my presence
in the kitchen while she washes the dishes...
but then... she will not own up to...
slandering me... trying to get me fired...
i'm going to wait... just a little more...
i'm a patient man...
i'll wait it out... i want to see where this is going
to go down: through...
but to make it soberly poignant...
i'm thinking of ******...
out of love... i'm thinking about killing for love...
i literally have nothing else to write...
to offer...
            i need clarity...
     i want to come across her attempt at
retailing an honesty: if she has any left...
it's not going to be easy...
she's not going to own up to anything...
i only just give more love...
more *******...
    it would be so much easier if i had the avenues
of employing the Niqab...
no argument: woman... put this drab on...
and shut up...
          but not me...
      i have to navigate the dodo project
of western liberalism or whatever you want to
call it...
   listen... i'm not invested in this culture...
with either children or anticipating grandchildren...
i'm out...
i already know what sort of people are
reproducing or going to reproduce...
people willing to put up with their governments,
for the simple access to the most base
of pleasures...
i found a higher "focus" within the confines
of music...
family is disappointing... there are never any guarantees...
my grandmother undermined my grandfather's dementia
riddled death... whether because of the Wuhan spread
or... whatever... it doesn't matter...
family has become a disappointment...

i'm already an advocate of euthanasia
that's readily available in the Benelux...
so? what are my concerns?
oh and i'd want to love...
but... if i can't... well then: i can't...
that's life...
   i'll still buy my mother flowers...
i'll still buy a reluctant Valentine flowers and
a card... she'll reply? no... she won't...
even though... she's the one that wronged me...
but of course, she's a woman:
she has to be in the "right"...

                  let death come prior to old age...
i'm already tired...
i don't want to be double tired having
to mind something akin to arthritis...
enough... i'm not even bailing out:
i''m having a reality check...
if i can't have A... while i'm already B...
then, obviously... there's no C involved...
ergo?
            
don't get me wrong... two generations prior to mine
had... a very nice chance at life...
they had such a welcoming possibility to
fulfill their biological *******...
my generation?
what happened to the one ex that i had a chance
with? she married up... to a guy much older
than her...

         i write poetry... am i going to get paid for it?
ha ha... ha...
people want free music...
   while only paying for Harry Potter... etc.,
free plumbing?
o.k., fair enough, enough of me complaining...
if only for the love of the art...
it's enough for it to be an extension
of thought: to coordinate my jumbled thinking...
no other reason...

what i regret most, though...
was being sold the lie, the lie of romance...
i would be much more happier being told
the cold turkey reality of ***
than being implored to fake it...
being sold the lie of romance...
that's what's most painful...
              this... "waking up"...
                          by now i'm so "woke": that i'm
practically sleeping, once more...
i sometimes venture out for a breather...
but, as ever... the woman disappoints...
unless i sober up with a *******...
then i might as well have been seeing a priest
or a psychiatrist...

i felt she could want me while she felt
so comfortable with me in the cemetery...
but then she threw in all that petty *******...
ah...
               what a cruel, insignificant lot of a world.