I wish that there was a way that made sense for me to show you all of the chaotic nonsense that is lingering along side of me inside my already crowded head.

There are days when i just want to laugh at the silliest things and wear my smile for all the world to see, other days I get trapped in the darkness and I dread the idea of leaving the sanctity of my bed.

Sometimes I feel like all the noise cluttering this world has over run me and is now squatting un welcomed inside my skin and it is enough to drive me mad.

Then in the blink of an eye the nothingness gains back its control and the silence locks me in with my tormented thoughts and memories making me long for the noise I once had.

Like most in this world I have longed to find my One, the missing piece to my puzzle , but i fear my puzzle is defective and I do not deserve the same love back that I wish to give to only you.

Who is this person hidden behind my eyes, she is passionate, firery and can at times be quite playful intertwined with this introverted, angry, and sad entity that has lost her way, not knowing what to do.

Im am drowning in the uncertainty of half the time feeling alone like there is no one that would understand me while I secretly pray  that they don't make it past my defensive wall.

Pushing people away is how I have always made sure I was safe, it is what I have done best, but beneath the scars of my heart I  have been waiting for you to protect me from the scattering debris when inevitably my wall begins to fall.