Eluded me this lifetime
Before during or past my prime
Everything changes with time
Constant this remains is my complaint
Brought forward fear from the earlier birth
During my childhood set forth
Ever present panic looming
Added by my convent schooling
Compounded the  panic
Movie watching with my father the only tonic
Misplaced ideas and goals
Turned my teenage into a drought
Reality elusive as for every dreamer
My dreams were unrealistic even as a dream
Sense of lacking
Permanently prevailing
Addiction filling the vacuum
Another decade made its way past
Leaving behind more indications of doom
Reason and logic
All sounding fantastic
Battle raged heart
World weary thought
Only asset to possess
No place probably left
In heart or thought
To rent or lease if not buy
The only thing elusive in life
Will i find it in my next try
The all pervading oneness
Which brings along with it the elusive Happiness